You guys. I know I’m not failing at this, but it feels like I am a bit, in the way that if I can’t do this perfectly, then eff it. I’m throwing in the towel, indulging in my emotions and consuming copious food and drink that have been off limits for weeks now like no one is watching.

I know that isn’t the right thing to do. I just reeeeely want to.

YEARS ago, a boy broke my heart (we’re talking Y.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.A.R.S ago, like, a lifetime ago). A co-worker caught me crying at my desk. After telling her my sad sad story, she looked into my blood shoot, teary eyes and said, “Mary, you have 24 hours to feel sorry for yourself, then I don’t want to hear another word about it, or catch you crying again. Ok?” She gave me a solid hug, I stood there limp, I was too stunned to really hug her back. She bounced out of my office and I wondered, what just happened.

Karla gave me permission to indulge in my emotions, then move on instead of drowning in them. After thinking about if for a bit I decided, screw 24 hours, 1 hour. I’m giving myself one hour to really be self indulgent, then I’m moving on. And I did. Still hate that dude, but I only wallowed in self pity for a bit, instead of weeks.

At the end of this long story, I’m giving myself permission to move on as well. I don’t need to feel guilty about having had 4 girl scout cookies today (Day 26)- trust me, my body is punishing me AS WE SPEAK. And that momentary lapse into the pleasure trap is just a moment, not a reason to give up all the good work I’ve done leading today. Yes, I am not thrilled that I ate a bit of a vegan chocolate tart for breakfast once I realized I was running late for a hair appointment, but it is done, and best to try again for a 10 at the next meal.

FOOD DIARY DAY 25

Breakfast: 1/6 Hail Merry chocolate tart, coffee
Lunch: Steamed kale and a sweet potato with balsamic drizzle
Snacks: handful of tortilla chips, iced coffee, a few bites of dark chocolate
Kitchen Munchies: While making Matthew and Ella’s dinner I sneaked several bites of their food- taco night fixings mixed with veggies and gluten free pasta elbows, bakes with Daiya cheese.
Dinner: Steamed kale with canned black beans mixed with salsa- it was so surprisingly delicious.
Snack: Small bowl popcorn with braggs and brewer’s yeast
Drinks: only water and coffee