I wonder, if when running a marathon, something I’ve never done, what those last few miles are like. Do you sprint to the end and finish strong? Or, does your run slow to a crawl as you fantasize about crossing the finish line so you can collapse?
I’m certainly feeling the latter right now. Blatantly forgoing adherence to the diet to simply sate myself, saying, “See, I don’t need to do this, I’m fine!”
But am I?
This morning I took my bio-metric screening. First, a nurse checks your height, 5.8’, and weight ,146 (disappointed a little, but, I’m sure that is an improvement from the holidays. Next you are invited to take a seat and roll up your sleeve: blood pressure.
My first reading: 133 over 72.
You know that moment when something bad happens and you swear up and down to your maker you will do what ever to make it right- a speeding ticket, a failed grade on a test, the news you need a root canal? Or when you replay all the missteps it took you to get to this point and curse yourself out for being so foolish? That was me, sitting in that chair. “That can’t be right.” I said. “Will you test it again?” She did, and again, 132/72. Unbelievable. Prehypertension. I knew it couldn’t be right, so I continued on to the next station, having my blood drawn, returning to have my blood pressure checked one more time. 112/85. Those numbers looked familiar. My sprint up the stairs to make the appoint on time was to blame, the nurse assured me.
But in those first few moments when I saw my enhanced discount, and, more importantly, my health go down the drain, I didn’t feel the need to make promises I couldn’t keep to someone who I’m not sure totally exists. Instead, I felt a wave of disappointment and defeat. Aside form the girl scout cookies and 1/4 of a grilled cheese sandwich, this really was the best I could do. And it didn’t look to be enough.
FOOD DIARY: DAY 26
Breakfast: Oatmeal with Maple syrup
Snack: Soy vanilla latte, bite of Ella’s donut & 3 bites of Ella’s grilled cheese at PDX play date
Lunch: reheated beans from the day before
Snack: a couple chunks of focaccia bread from Pasta Works, 2 girl scout cookies, then two more.
Dinner: Sweet Potato
Drinks: One Suja juice, a glass of wine.